LaraGitara's Mundane Mutterings & Minutia

At 41

2009-07-29T09:00:00.000-07:00

Some things remain the same...
Most things are better...
Some things are taking off...
Most things are infinitely brighter...

Second chances are a good thing.

Sites

2009-01-29T13:14:00.000-08:00

www.pacificethnographic.org

www.haranathemovie.com

Daily Reminders...

2008-09-16T12:23:00.000-07:00

From David Foster Wallace...

"Worship power, you will end up feeling weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to numb you to your own fear. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart, you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. But the insidious thing about these forms of worship is not that they're evil or sinful, it's that they're unconscious. They are default settings.

"They're the kind of worship you just gradually slip into, day after day, getting more and more selective about what you see and how you measure value without ever being fully aware that that's what you're doing.

"And the so-called real world will not discourage you from operating on your default settings, because the so-called real world of men and money and power hums merrily along in a pool of fear and anger and frustration and craving and worship of self. Our own present culture has harnessed these forces in ways that have yielded extraordinary wealth and comfort and personal freedom. The freedom all to be lords of our tiny skull-sized kingdoms, alone at the center of all creation. This kind of freedom has much to recommend it. But of course there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talk about much in the great outside world of wanting and achieving. ... The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day.

"That is real freedom. That is being educated, and understanding how to think. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default setting, the rat race, the constant gnawing sense of having had, and lost, some infinite thing."

Updates on all my current projects

2008-09-12T16:39:00.000-07:00

HARANA
Harana Documentary Film, Trailer, and Donations.

LALAWIGAN - A Tagalog Song Cycle
Oct 4 and 5 at Bayanihan Community Center

Works in Progress Performance in conjunction with Kularts' Butterfly Kicks Works in Progress Series

"LOVE IN THE TIME OF BREAST CANCER"
Nov 6 - 8 at Off Market Theater
Written by Gayle Romasanta
Music Composed by Brandon Bigelow
Produced by Nicole Maxali Villanueva & Maggie Suarez

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Contact: Nicole Villanueva
415-816-3814
Maxali85@aol.com

South of Market Health Center & Pinays Maintaining Sisterhood Through Art
PRESENTS
“Love in the Time of Breast Cancer”

In conjunction with the South of Market Health Center (SMHC), Pinays Maintaining Sisterhood Through Art (PMSTA) celebrates Breast Cancer Awareness Month with an original musical, "Love in the Time of Breast Cancer." The performance follows one woman’s journey to live life to the fullest after surviving breast cancer. Filled with music and movement pieces, PMSTA's "Love in the Time of Breast Cancer" will make every woman inspired to be the author of her own story.

A poignant, yet hilarious musical, “ Love in the Time of Breast Cancer” is brought to you by producers Nicole M. Villanueva and Maggie Suarez; written by Gayle Romasanta; and directed by Fides Enriquez. Music composed by Brandon Bigelow with musical performances by Esperanza Catubig, Roberto Divina, Giovannie Espiritu, Michael Dorado, and Stephanie Sampang.

About PMS Through ART
“PMS Through Art/Pinays Maintaining Sisterhood Through Art" aims to inspire women with the courage to break free from the chains of limiting belief patterns and societal conditioning that have traditionally kept women suppressed and unable to see their true worth, beauty, and power.
Using creative productions, PMSTA strives to change the biases against Filipina American (FilAm) women, build awareness of their abilities to lead and create an avenue for open dialogue among Filipinas of all ages. PMSTA themes convey that all women are connected and are not alone on their personal journeys through life.

SHOWTIMES AND DATES:
November 6, 7 & 8 (Thursday – Saturday) Doors open at 7:30PM, show begins at 8PM
November 8th (Saturday) special Matinee performance, show begins at 2pm

TICKETS
General Admission: $20
Seniors/Students: $15

LOCATION
Off Market Theater, 965 Mission Street, San Francisco, CA 94103

Bell Jars

2008-08-18T11:16:00.000-07:00

In Union City I discover...
She found a poem...
Years ago...
"Communication is key..."
"That is beautiful news..."
"Now what..."
"I don't know..."

But I'll keep on diving till I drown the sea,
of things not worth, even mentioning
perhaps I'll come to the surface and come to my senses
but it's a very deep sea around my own devices.

Diving, diving.

"It's A Very Deep Sea"
by Style Council

Want List

2008-07-22T11:23:00.002-07:00

Feeling a little lazy, out of it, slightly hungover today....
So i'll just make a want list...

I want...

to go hiking again and then have a picnic at Alamere Falls
to go to the Tomales Bay Oyster farm and eat oysters and drink wine and enjoy the sun...
to go camping alone like I did last year at Big Sur (are the fires out yet?)
to go back to bed
to get a massage
to go to At'morok and live there for a month, at least
sushi and sake
to run
to sleep
to have cake on my birthday
reiki
to go to Maui with Gorheim and the sisiws
to wake up...

Forget Sex in the City!!

2008-07-15T10:43:00.000-07:00

This is the summer movie for me.

Oh I am soooo there at the midnight show! (with beers stowed in my jacket!)
What better way to spend the eve of turning 40!

Scully? Mulder?

4th of July Hike - Alamere Falls

2008-07-07T10:27:00.000-07:00

For Em's - Maraming Salamat, for reminding me...

Nais kong maihip ng hanging walang patutung'han
Parang ibong wala ring hangarin kundi ang lumipad nang lumipad
Nais kong lumipad

Nais ko ring maagos ng alon saan man mapadpad
Kahit na isdang mumuntiin, hangari'y lumangoy nang lumangoy
Nais kong lumangoy

Nais kong malibot ang mundo sa kanyang kasuluk-sulukan
Nais kong makita ang paligid kong puno ng kagandahan
Nais kong makadama ng kaibang damdamin kahit minsan man lang
Habang ako ay may buhay, wala nang hangarin pang tunay
Nais ko...nais ko...nais ko...

Nais kong maulit ang buhay
Kung may pagkakataon upang mamalas
Ang mga bagay-bagay na 'di ko natanto sa aking buhay
Nais kong maulit pa
Ulit-ulitin pa ang buhay ko...

*"Nais Ko"
Ryan Cayabyab

As

2008-06-30T09:17:00.000-07:00

Did you know that true love asks for nothing
Her acceptance is the way we pay
Did you know that life has given love a guarantee
To last through forever and another day

Just as time knew to move on since the beginning
And the seasons know exactly when to change
Just as kindness knows no shame
Know through all your joy and pain
That I'll be loving you always

As today I know I'm living but tomorrow
Could make me the past but that I mustn't fear
For I'll know deep in my mind
The love of me I've left behind cause I'll be loving you always

-Stevie Wonder
From "Songs In the Key of Life"

Happiness...

2008-06-27T09:29:00.000-07:00

I am really, really, REALLY, truly, deeply happy that gay folks can marry each other now in California. It's about time!

There.. I said it...

Worth Sharing From the Radio...

2008-06-12T11:46:00.000-07:00

Heard this on the radio this morning...
Baz Lurhmann's "Sunscreen Speech", based on Mary Schmich's column in the Chicago Tribune published in 1997.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future,
sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience
I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh nevermind,
you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way you can’t grasp now, how much possibility lay before you
and how fabulous you really looked,
you are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts,
don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind,
the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults,
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life,
the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22
what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t,
Maybe you’ll divorce at 40,
Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary
What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can, don’t be afraid of it,
or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurtin, but I've been waitin' to be there for you
And I'll be there just helping you out whenever I can

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings, they are the best link to your past
and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard,
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander,
you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young
prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia,
dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off,
painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen

What's up?!?

2008-06-09T15:19:00.001-07:00

Harana Documentary Film Photo Shoot
with Photographer BJ Formento and Director Benito Bautista
Half Moon Bay
June 8, 2008

Founding Circle Fund Raiser Dinner
To Benefit the Harana Documentary Film
6-course Contemporary French menu
prepared by Chef Thomas Weibull
May 30, 2008

"We Love Vancouver!" or "the great thing about it is... click!"
KP's 15 year anniversary performance
Vancouver, BC
May 22-26, 2008

Everything is nice...

2008-06-03T01:00:00.000-07:00

Everything is nice right now...

I am doing what I want to do...
I have no money.. but I am creating and living the life I want.
So it's nice.. i'm not in someone else's rat race...

I have to remember not to freak out...
I have to remember that if I allow it, the universe will conspire to help me make my dreams come true.
I have to remember not to panic.

Well that was fun!

2008-05-21T09:49:00.000-07:00

I have to say, despite the anxiety and the terror... I thoroughly enjoyed myself. The Fides Enriquez Dance Collective made its debut at Kularts' 10th year POMO or Post Modern American Pilipino Performance Project.

It was the first time I created dance pieces out of the air - inspired only by songs and certain key movements. I really enjoyed creating contemporary, folk phrases. I loved pushing my body to the limit, rolling and jumping, contracting and releasing.

I am eternally grateful to Abe & Lori for being the ethereal spirits of Isagani and Candida, singing their song of love and pain; to Alberto for moving with me and telling the story; to Florante for composing and arranging the music - this beautiful haunting music for I &C, and for the joyous "Labada ni Aling Perla/ Singsing" piece.

Not bad for the first time I put something like that out there. The audience response seemed very positive.

And now I can check that off my list of things to accomplish for 2008.

Up next... fundraising for the "Harana" documentary film... (we have Director Benito Bautista, of "Gift of Barong" on board)...

and the "Lalawigan" Concert...
We have Paolo, we have Sylvia, we have Charmaine, we have Chus...

Wednesday is Sunday and the Maruchan Habit

2008-04-23T08:59:00.001-07:00

It is a Wednesday again. Wednesdays seem to be my blogging days... or at least my "reading columns while I relax and sip my morning coffee" days.. which inspires the blogging.

Wednesdays I find most difficult to get up and run. Why get up? Why run? We ran on Friday already, and during the weekend too, before all the weekend meetings and dance rehearsals and side jobs, and on Monday before all the other meetings, chores and what not. And on Tuesday after teaching those 3 classes of 2nd graders folk dance and then making the dinner for my own kids and then the homework and the parenting and all that. I want to stay in bed! It's Wednesday for crying out loud.

Well no wonder I can't get up on Wednesdays. Wednesdays are my Sundays. It's my day of rest. No let me clarify, Wednesday mornings are my days of rest. At least until noon... or 10 am, whichever comes first.

After Wednesday morning everything picks up again.... the picking up of the kids, the dinner making, the homework help, the parenting. Not to mention the emailing and the follow up emails. Then Thursday is the teaching the 2nd graders again, followed by the dance teaching in the after school program at SOMA... then the events that need attending, and more meetings and networking and wondering if I know what I'm really doing. Anyway, the list goes on. I am incoherent. I am babbling. I am going back to my Jamaican Blue coffee. It is Wednesday morning.. it is my Sunday. Guilty pleasure? Or necessary for my mental well being? Either way. I'll run later.

I am addicted to Maruchan Ramen... specifically Maruchan Ramen Lime Chili Shrimp flavor. Ah, MSG... I stir in a raw egg to the hot steaming noodles and mix right before I pour everything into my bowl. I add slivers of scallions for color. Gorheim got me hip to this Lime Chili Shrimp thing last month while I was convalescing. It is hot, it is spicy. With the egg it becomes creamy. My lips tingle from the spices. I am hooked right away. Now I'm not a big fan of ramen... all that salt and MSG and i'm sure someday someone will say it causes cancer. But this Lime Chili Shrimp! I bought packets and packets. It is one of my favourite morning meals... or late night snacks. Not the healthiest... but hey.... I added the egg and scallions... Whatever. I am babbling again.

It is Wednesday late morning. Everyone's at work or at school. It is quiet in the house. This is my Sunday.

Jamaican Blue and the French Press

2008-04-16T08:25:00.000-07:00

There are times when coffee is more than coffee.

After thinking about it for months, then talking about it for weeks... I finally bought my very own 4-cup Bodum French Press yesterday. I felt so liberated... my very own French press! Mine. Just for me. No one else. It was a cause for celebration. I even indulged myself and bought a half pound of Martha & Bros. Jamaican Blue Mountain at 22 bucks a half pound (that is quite a special treat when you're a self-employed artist).

This morning I decided to skip my run and brew my first cup of Jamaican Blue on my Bodum. It is a fine spring day out, the sky is clear, the trees are bright green with young leaves, and my allergies hasn't bothered me yet. And yes, the coffee is as smooth and mild as described in the brochure. I contemplate Jamaica and its mountains as I sip my coffee...

What's the deal right? What's so remarkable... coffee is coffee.

But today is different. Today I made my own coffee in my own Bodum. Not the "conjugal" Bodum. But my very own cute, compact, 4-cup press... because it's just for me... singular, not plural. Coffee and press purchased with wages made as an artist of dance and as a production manager for an upcoming concert. It is a damn good feeling.

It took me a year to finally buy this smaller Bodum since I left the house where my 8 cup Bodum of many years still makes coffee. But that one isn't mine anymore. Just like all the kitchen stuff I had to leave behind (don't even get me started on the knives and the pots and pans that I so depended on for many years).

Why did it take so long? I don't know. I didn't feel ready for the smaller, 4-cup version... until yesterday. It's a psyche thing... it's about transitions... it's about letting go of the past, it's objects and symbols. It's about finally embracing, fully and completely, my new life and the future. It's about timing. This is part of the final frontier. I've let go of my previous life in many ways prior to buying this french press. I've experienced repeatedly the excruciating agony of death of what once was, and today continue to revel in the growing pangs of re-birth. Just as leaving the corporate job of 8 years, or ending the marriage of 15 years was necessary ... buying this french press is another step towards self discovery, self awareness, self realization. Not as cathartic... it's just coffee beans and glass and wire mesh after all. But it's a step nonetheless.

Jamaican Blue Mountain
"The finest bean in the world is grown on the volcanic soils of Jamaica. The bean is characterized by its mild taste and smooth aroma, and most important of all, it has no aftertaste."

Doc film of note

2008-04-13T21:50:00.000-07:00

Women Behind the Camera - Informative, inspiring, incredible!

See it!

Influence

2008-04-05T15:20:00.000-07:00

Detour Shot by Nerinna Valera

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others"

from The Life and Work of Martha Graham

Upcoming... Dances about Love and Laundry

2008-04-02T13:13:00.000-07:00

Kularts' POMO 2008
May 17 & 18 at Zeum Theater, San Francisco
The Fides Enriquez Dance Collective will be making it's debut.

Check out the mug-shot and details here.

From Kularts' site -

The Fides Enriquez Dance Collective premieres two original dance theater works inspired by the musical arrangements of Florante Aguilar. Isagani at Candida (Isagani and Candida), a pas de deux, explores themes of love, tragedy, and transcendence, while Ang Labada ni Aling Perla (Aling Perla's Laundry) offers a tongue-in-cheek look at "Bayanihan"-style folkdancing through the magical fantasies of Aling Perla, a laundry woman for a prestigious Pilipino folk dance troupe.

Featuring:

Fides Enriquez
Alberto Vajrabukka
Florante Aguilar (music)
Lori Abucayan (vocals)
Abe Cajudo (vocals)

Alamere Falls, February 2008

2008-03-24T21:09:00.001-07:00

I love, LOVE hiking to Alamere Falls.

Chus is on board!

2008-03-23T21:48:00.000-07:00

Gorheim and I met with Chus Alonso today. I am so excited and honored... he agreed to the September show. It's going to be so awesome!! Be still my heart...

The Second Day of Spring

2008-03-21T23:02:00.001-07:00

and the moon is full.

I let Gerri and Gorheim take care of me...

*

Tunes of the day:

"Melodia Del Rio"
Ruben Gonzales
from "Introducing... Ruben Gonzales"

"Gracioso"
Paolo Bellinati
from "The Guitar Works of Garoto"

"Moorea"
Gypsy Kings

"Begin!"

2008-03-18T21:46:00.000-07:00

I think I'm adjusting... at least I panicked less this week and last.

I am more at ease with the "free" time. I can't even imagine going back to working in a cubicle in the corporate world.

I am getting everything I want... and I mean EVERYTHING. I have to start being careful about what I wish for, as thought does have a very definite way of becoming a physical, concrete reality these days. It is all good, but all in time.

The dance pieces are becoming more solid... "Isagani at Candida" is looking better each time I'm in the studio... and the music continues to evolve and takes my breathe away. "Labada Lamentations" is starting to reveal itself more as well. I am enjoying the process very much. I am learning (slowly and surely) how to work within my limitations - money, studio space, bodies - and appreciate what I do have at my disposal - amazing music, artists (musician, singers, dancer), and the occasional awesome dance studio with the mirrors and the large windows.

Life is good, very good. So many paths are open, and continue to open.

I am getting so much done! Now if I can only stay awake...

So far so good....

2008-03-09T21:15:00.000-07:00

I've spent my first week:

Waking up at 615am everyday - then wondering what I should do first
Trying not to feel guilty for having "free" time
Feeling guilty for having "free" time
Taking 5 dance classes within 3 days at ODC
Remembering how dance makes me feel alive and complete
Discovering phrases for "Isagani at Candida" and "Labada Lamentations" (working title)
Trying to overcome my fear of the "empty room" (or blank page, or blank canvas)
Learning about the SFAC PIC application at the Foundation Center
Learning about the structure of a narrative documentary film at FAF
Reading about the creative habit
Discovering what my creative habit is
Realizing waking up at 615am everyday is a very good thing for my routine
Creating a routine/ritual
Trying not to freak out
Getting totally blown away by the Shen Wei Dance Arts at YBCA
Getting a massage
Taking myself to lunch after the massage (that was on the first day)
Trying to do a lot
Spending more quality time with my kids
Trying not to feel guilty when I'm not dancing or working on photos or learning about films or how to find grants for all these things
Reminding myself it's been only the first week, take it easy...

What have I done?!

2008-03-06T22:58:00.000-08:00

I have no money, no resources, no hopes. I am the happiest man alive. - Henry Miller

I woke up at 530am Feb 29th to one singular thought... "oh shit! what have I done!! I don't have a job! I have nothing - no house, no job, nothing!"

Gorheim reminds me... you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

This week marks my first week of freedom... just me and the arts now...
It is scary, but I am loving every waking moment. For the first time in a long time, I feel completely alive.

Upcoming in May at POMO - "Isagani at Candida" & "Labada Lamentations", by the Fides Enriquez Dance Collective