Do Over's
"As much as I wished that I could invoke that magical rule like a secret weapon out of my back pocket, the harsh reality is that you have to own up to your decisions and live with your mistakes." – From donger needs food
I was reading Dongkwans' blogspot about do over's and car washes, and I have to agree, if only life were as convenient as a $15 car wash. And I'm thinking, yep, there are no do over's. You have whatever experiences you experience, whether good or regrettable, and you're stuck with it. And on this fine, rainy fall Thursday, I'm thinking about some of those experiences I wish I never went through. Well, not really thinking about them as much as being besieged by monstrously unwelcome memories. And no matter how much Halloween candy I consume, I’m not getting that sugar high that would render me artificially high and giddy. So try as I might, certain images keep forcing their way into my consciousness, and I inevitably have to ponder on them. Unfortunately, you can never un-see something you see. You can’t do over certain things either. They kind of get stuck in your brain. There are days I can deal with these pesky thoughts, tuck them away under the “things that don’t kill you can only make you stronger” file, and I can feel good about how much empowered I feel by the simple act of stating reclamation. Then, there are days like today when the memories just keep moving and wafting like an unpleasant odor I can’t get rid of, and I realize, hey, that stink is coming from me, and I know it’s hours before I can take a bath and there just isn’t enough cinnamon apple Glade aerosol spray to cover the stench, and I can't get out of my own skin fast enough.
Nope, there are no do over’s. Just “keep moving’s”. As in, when you see an accident on the side of the freeway and the CHP says “keep moving folks, there’s nothing to see here”… but really there’s a truck that’s turned over and twisted into an unrecognizable heap of jagged metal and you can’t help but stare and wonder what the hell happened, and secretly think, ooh, can I see blood? Then you remind yourself to keep your eye on the road and concentrate on driving before you end up in a similar situation, but your having a tad trouble focusing 'coz of all the E you took the night before, which would explain why you're on that stretch of highway at that ungodly hour on a Sunday morning, and it would be sadly ironic if you die in a car accident 'coz you couldn't concentrate 'coz of all the subtances you consumed in order to survive the ordeal of the previous evening. Just keep moving.
Or, when there’s a restaurant where you really enjoyed the food but you can never go back because the memories of your time there was so horrible that the thought of the steak tartare special from that joint either makes you want to scream in terror ‘coz you’re afraid of reliving a nightmare, or makes you wistfully sigh because you don’t know if you’ll ever find a steak tartare just as good and perfectly blended. Too bad it’s actually that and not just like that. Just keep moving. I guess the thing to remember is there are plenty other restaurants, specially in this town.
Since I can’t have a do over, best I can do is not do over the things I want to have do over’s for. Sounds like a simple enough plan. Now, how to get rid of that awful smell, it seems to be stuck in my hair and in the upholstery.
I was reading Dongkwans' blogspot about do over's and car washes, and I have to agree, if only life were as convenient as a $15 car wash. And I'm thinking, yep, there are no do over's. You have whatever experiences you experience, whether good or regrettable, and you're stuck with it. And on this fine, rainy fall Thursday, I'm thinking about some of those experiences I wish I never went through. Well, not really thinking about them as much as being besieged by monstrously unwelcome memories. And no matter how much Halloween candy I consume, I’m not getting that sugar high that would render me artificially high and giddy. So try as I might, certain images keep forcing their way into my consciousness, and I inevitably have to ponder on them. Unfortunately, you can never un-see something you see. You can’t do over certain things either. They kind of get stuck in your brain. There are days I can deal with these pesky thoughts, tuck them away under the “things that don’t kill you can only make you stronger” file, and I can feel good about how much empowered I feel by the simple act of stating reclamation. Then, there are days like today when the memories just keep moving and wafting like an unpleasant odor I can’t get rid of, and I realize, hey, that stink is coming from me, and I know it’s hours before I can take a bath and there just isn’t enough cinnamon apple Glade aerosol spray to cover the stench, and I can't get out of my own skin fast enough.
Nope, there are no do over’s. Just “keep moving’s”. As in, when you see an accident on the side of the freeway and the CHP says “keep moving folks, there’s nothing to see here”… but really there’s a truck that’s turned over and twisted into an unrecognizable heap of jagged metal and you can’t help but stare and wonder what the hell happened, and secretly think, ooh, can I see blood? Then you remind yourself to keep your eye on the road and concentrate on driving before you end up in a similar situation, but your having a tad trouble focusing 'coz of all the E you took the night before, which would explain why you're on that stretch of highway at that ungodly hour on a Sunday morning, and it would be sadly ironic if you die in a car accident 'coz you couldn't concentrate 'coz of all the subtances you consumed in order to survive the ordeal of the previous evening. Just keep moving.
Or, when there’s a restaurant where you really enjoyed the food but you can never go back because the memories of your time there was so horrible that the thought of the steak tartare special from that joint either makes you want to scream in terror ‘coz you’re afraid of reliving a nightmare, or makes you wistfully sigh because you don’t know if you’ll ever find a steak tartare just as good and perfectly blended. Too bad it’s actually that and not just like that. Just keep moving. I guess the thing to remember is there are plenty other restaurants, specially in this town.
Since I can’t have a do over, best I can do is not do over the things I want to have do over’s for. Sounds like a simple enough plan. Now, how to get rid of that awful smell, it seems to be stuck in my hair and in the upholstery.
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