hearts...
I went to the ATM machine today to deposit a check and to get some cash. Payday was yesterday, and i'm already thinking, ok, I need to make what little money I have in the bank stretch until next payday. Will I be able to do it? I'm thinking of all the things I need... need to pay bills, need to buy groceries, need food, need, need, need.
I went to Noah's Bagels for a late breakfast/early lunch. Since i'm on a tight budget, I order a bagel with cream cheese. I'm thinking, i'd prefer the egg mitt, but I can only spend $2 today on snacks, geez, I need to stretch what I have til next payday. I stand aside and look at my $18, thinking, I wonder how long this can last me if I'm really frugal. I fold it and was about to put it away, when I hear this mumbling next to me, a woman's voice, fragile and small. At first I wasn't sure who she was talking to. "Excuse me, but do you think you can donate today to..." and I think she said something like a lukemia society. In a flash I thought, are you kidding, and then before I even looked at her I realized she's homeless and was asking for money.
I never give to the homeless. NEVER. As a principle, I don't give to the homeless...I don't know if they'll just buy more booze or drugs. I'd rather not contribute to their habit. What extra money I have, I send to the T'boli so they can continue weaving T'nalak. I just walk past the homeless, look the other way, there's nothing I can do for them. And there are agencies that give them assistance anyway.
But this time, before I could think twice, I handed this woman a dollar bill. She said thank you. I said, "sure", and I thought, whatever. I didn't look at her too long, I was embarrassed for her and I didn't want to embarrass her even more. Also, I didn't want to attract attention to myself. Part of me thought, ok, go away now. She was maybe 10 years older than I, though living in the streets can really make a person look older than they are, she looked like she had not had a shower for very long time, and wore thin layers of clothes over a worn plaid shirt. She had a pink plastic bag over her head.
I looked away, to let her make her get away, to wait for my bagel, to just be over with it. But she just stood next to me. And then she said, "This is for you". She was handing me a red heart shaped satin box, with a pretty pink, white and fuschia beaded cover. I looked at it, then looked at her. She said again, "It's for you". I said, "Oh no, it's ok". But she insisted, "It's for you". So I thought, oh great what will I do now. I took the box. She said, as she began to cover her face with pink plastic like a veil so she looked like a really sad, dirty, beat up doll, "It has chocolates." I wasn't sure what to say. "Thank you", I said. And she walked away.
I was stunned. I looked around Noah's, thinking, did anyone see that? But no one was looking. Everyone was ordering, or reading the menu, or talking on their cell phone. I began to think...no one wants to be homeless. No one wants to be hungry, or cold, or so mentally unstable they can't take care of themselves. I watched the rest of the people in line, in their warm coats, gloves, cell phones. No one dreams of being homeless, yet some fall between the cracks. Is it the rest of humanity's responsiblity to take care of those who somehow for some reason or another can't make it? Or do we just keep moving, the survival of the fittest. "Matira matibay" (meaning whoever is strongest will survive). And who does that anyway? Take care of those who fall?
I got my bagel and headed for my building, the heart box still in my hand, unopened. I was thinking, geez, maybe it's rocks or teeth in this thing. Human teeth maybe? Eek. Yet I was, at the same time, so surprised by this homeless woman's gesture. I got on the elevator. Even there it seemed all of fate wanted me to open the box, I was alone. So I did, I looked in, and I smiled.
Inside was, indeed, 6 or 7 pieces of heartshaped gold foil wrapped chocolates. The kind you find at Walgreens, 2 bags for 5 bucks. She gave me golden hearts of chocolates within a beaded satin box heart. All I gave her was a dollar.
It didn't seem to matter so much anymore that I only have a few hundred bucks in my checking to last me til next paycheck.
I went to Noah's Bagels for a late breakfast/early lunch. Since i'm on a tight budget, I order a bagel with cream cheese. I'm thinking, i'd prefer the egg mitt, but I can only spend $2 today on snacks, geez, I need to stretch what I have til next payday. I stand aside and look at my $18, thinking, I wonder how long this can last me if I'm really frugal. I fold it and was about to put it away, when I hear this mumbling next to me, a woman's voice, fragile and small. At first I wasn't sure who she was talking to. "Excuse me, but do you think you can donate today to..." and I think she said something like a lukemia society. In a flash I thought, are you kidding, and then before I even looked at her I realized she's homeless and was asking for money.
I never give to the homeless. NEVER. As a principle, I don't give to the homeless...I don't know if they'll just buy more booze or drugs. I'd rather not contribute to their habit. What extra money I have, I send to the T'boli so they can continue weaving T'nalak. I just walk past the homeless, look the other way, there's nothing I can do for them. And there are agencies that give them assistance anyway.
But this time, before I could think twice, I handed this woman a dollar bill. She said thank you. I said, "sure", and I thought, whatever. I didn't look at her too long, I was embarrassed for her and I didn't want to embarrass her even more. Also, I didn't want to attract attention to myself. Part of me thought, ok, go away now. She was maybe 10 years older than I, though living in the streets can really make a person look older than they are, she looked like she had not had a shower for very long time, and wore thin layers of clothes over a worn plaid shirt. She had a pink plastic bag over her head.
I looked away, to let her make her get away, to wait for my bagel, to just be over with it. But she just stood next to me. And then she said, "This is for you". She was handing me a red heart shaped satin box, with a pretty pink, white and fuschia beaded cover. I looked at it, then looked at her. She said again, "It's for you". I said, "Oh no, it's ok". But she insisted, "It's for you". So I thought, oh great what will I do now. I took the box. She said, as she began to cover her face with pink plastic like a veil so she looked like a really sad, dirty, beat up doll, "It has chocolates." I wasn't sure what to say. "Thank you", I said. And she walked away.
I was stunned. I looked around Noah's, thinking, did anyone see that? But no one was looking. Everyone was ordering, or reading the menu, or talking on their cell phone. I began to think...no one wants to be homeless. No one wants to be hungry, or cold, or so mentally unstable they can't take care of themselves. I watched the rest of the people in line, in their warm coats, gloves, cell phones. No one dreams of being homeless, yet some fall between the cracks. Is it the rest of humanity's responsiblity to take care of those who somehow for some reason or another can't make it? Or do we just keep moving, the survival of the fittest. "Matira matibay" (meaning whoever is strongest will survive). And who does that anyway? Take care of those who fall?
I got my bagel and headed for my building, the heart box still in my hand, unopened. I was thinking, geez, maybe it's rocks or teeth in this thing. Human teeth maybe? Eek. Yet I was, at the same time, so surprised by this homeless woman's gesture. I got on the elevator. Even there it seemed all of fate wanted me to open the box, I was alone. So I did, I looked in, and I smiled.
Inside was, indeed, 6 or 7 pieces of heartshaped gold foil wrapped chocolates. The kind you find at Walgreens, 2 bags for 5 bucks. She gave me golden hearts of chocolates within a beaded satin box heart. All I gave her was a dollar.
It didn't seem to matter so much anymore that I only have a few hundred bucks in my checking to last me til next paycheck.
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