The thing I fear most...

...is fear itself. it is not the cause of depression that scares me, but the depression itself. to be depressed is to be in a cold, horrible hole, where there is no light, no laughter, no way out. it is a terrible place void of hope. it is more than lethargy or malaise. it is a profound sadness that comes out of nowhere, grips the mind and envelopes the soul, for days and days, sometimes years.

to be depressed is terrible, terrible suffering. i was depressed for years and didn't know it. i lived for 36 years thinking this kind of suffering was a normal part of daily life, until last year when it was at it's most unbearable, when i couldn't lift my head to see the sky. to be depressed is to not know the joy in life. depression takes away ones ability to function, and ones will to live.

depression is the monster that frightens me and wakes me up in the middle of night, sobbing. it is the thing i fear most.

"It is so strange to me that I cannot get it right - the depression, I mean, which does not come from something definite, but from nothing...." - Virginia Woolf