Borrowed without permission...

"Anna knew she had to have some new shoes today, and Carlo had helped her try on every pair in the store. Carlo spoke wearily, 'Well, that's every pair of shoes in the place.'

'Oh, you must have one more pair...'

'No, not one more pair... Well, we have the cruel shoes, but no one would want...'

Anna interrupted, 'Oh yes, let me see the cruel shoes!'

Carlo looked incredulous. 'No, Anna, you don't understand, you see, the cruel shoes are...'

'Get them!'

Carlo disappeared into the back room for a moment, then returned with an ordinary shoebox. He opened the lid and removed a hideous pair of black and white pumps. But these were not an ordinary pair of black and white pumps; both were left feet, one had a right angle turn with separate compartments that pointed the toes in impossible directions. The other shoe was six inches long and was curved inwared like a rocking chair with a vise and razor blades to hold the foot in place..."

- An excerpt from Steve Martin's Cruel Shoes